“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” – Roger Caras
After Binky died, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever have a dog again. I wanted to… having a dog to take care of was something I truly enjoyed, but at the same time, I knew that losing one again is going to be so devastating (especially if it happens the way Binky passed) so I was quite hesitant. Actually, a neighbor reserved one his puppies and told my mom I could have one but I couldn’t take it. Even when one of our dogs gave birth to puppies, my mom was asking me to choose one, but I couldn’t. I would play with them… but I knew I wasn’t ready to be a “mom” again. People kept telling me to move on and find myself a new Binky and I always tear a little when I tell them that I can’t.
Last month, however, I got a dog from a friend. A few nights before that, we were talking about my blog and I briefly mentioned that I haven’t been writing much (and I noticed that it came after Binky’s death), so she decided to just send me a puppy. So yes, quite unexpectedly, I am a mother again.
When the puppy arrived in the clinic, it was a complete surprise. The doorbell rang and I wondered why because there was no patient scheduled at that time and then Monique came to me saying: “May delivery para sa iyo” (There is a delivery for you) — and from her face I could read bewilderment. It immediately got me curious, so I walked to the front and I found a nice looking girl in the reception area who smiled when she saw me and quickly handed me a puppy with a bow. Puppies get delivered now? Yeah, I guess they do.
Anyway, the puppy is so cute… so small… and very sweet. Not knowing what to do, I received it from the seller, noted her instructions and took the new puppy to the back of the clinic where I cried. Tears just kept on falling and I didn’t know what to do. I was crying for two reasons: I was crying because it was a lovely surprise and I felt quite lucky; but mostly I was crying because it felt as though I was being forced to forget Binky. You see, I wanted Binky–not a new puppy, but it was there and I didn’t know what to do.
Monique was actually more excited about it than I was. So many thoughts were running through my head: “What if he’s not as perfect as Binky?”, “Am I ready to take care of a puppy again?”, “What if I don’t ever learn to love this puppy?”, “What if this puppy dies too soon, too?” and of the many thoughts I had, the most shallow of them all: “But I wanted a girl puppy… this is a boy!”
Getting to Know Beckham
It has almost been a month since I’ve had the puppy. It took me two days to finally decide on a name and I chose: Beckham, for my love of David Beckham, but you can call him Becks for short or Becky for fun (just kidding!).
Beckham is a lot different from Binky:
- He’s always hungry. Show him food and he’s going to keep on eating even if his belly is about to burst already. Binky was thin, everyone used to think I do not feed her enough but she really doesn’t eat much. Beckham, on the other hand, has a bottomless pit for a tummy so I’ve just decided to put him on a diet (just kidding).
- He’s always sleepy. Eat and sleep—his favorite activities. Right after he eats, he’ll collapse on the floor and sleep. Sometimes he’ll play a little–play with his toys, run around the place, bite on things–but mostly he’s just lying on the floor like a rug and he stays asleep even if the doorbell rings or you try to sweep him off the floor with a broom. Hehe. Binky was more alert. The sound of the doorbell was music to her ears because she knows someone’s arrived and she’d run to meet the visitor.
- He doesn’t like the camera. Binky was natural in front off the camera. She would smile, tilt her head and look straight at you–it was that easy to take a picture of her. Beckham, typical guy, hates posing in front of the camera. One time, I tried to take a selfie with him and he had his eyes closed on every photo–even looked asleep in one. What is it with boys and photos, anyway?
- He’s quite a comedian. I guess it goes with the fact that he’s a male dog. Binky was a prim and proper, like a princess and Beckham is like some clown. He is slightly crossed eyed and he has expressions that are really funny. He has ridiculous antics too and he makes everyone laugh at home.
They are so different from each other but they are both very sweet and adorable–so all the other differences mean nothing, really. The day Beckham arrived in the clinic, I was surprised because he was already very nice to me. Our first night was difficult because he didn’t sleep much, but he didn’t cry–after that, the next nights were so much better. Eventually, we both developed our own routine together at home, in the clinic and in the car. In other words, inasmuch as I tried to resist getting attached, I found out that he is not very difficult to love—and that I am ready to have a puppy.
My New Baby
Beckham is 4 months. He sleeps beside me, at the bottom of the bed, and joins me in the clinic when I work. With his sweet face, he has already won the hearts of patients and I hope that he wins your hearts as well. Sometimes I talk to Beckham about Binky and I’d say something like: “Ate Binky just sits on the passenger seat, so you have to behave”, but he still insists on sitting on the center console. He does a lot of funny things like that… and I can’t wait to discover more about him. Ready or not, I guess some things just happen,you know what I mean?
Having a new puppy too soon after Binky’s passing, troubled me greatly. Actually, I’ve taken several photos of Beckham but I hadn’t posted any of them, until today. I dunno… I guess I felt guilty to love and take in another puppy into my heart. Binky was so dear to me and she still is… and I didn’t want that to be forgotten–and I hope that you never will. But this dog deserves to be loved, too. Binky will always be dear to me… none of that will change. But life goes on and mine will—with Beckham. I’m sure that somewhere in doggy heaven Binky is smiling.
I miss you Binks!