And just like that, I’m 36…
Not that I feel old because I don’t. Yes, I feel old(er) and that’s different. I feel like wine–and I’ve aged to some level of perfection, but not quite yet. If you know what I mean. And I think that’s what matters, that we age with grace. That we age, somehow? That we can look back from where we’ve been and say… “Good thing I’m not there anymore”.
Although, of course, I’d love to be young. The other day I showed my friend a picture of my latest goddaughter and she said, “Buti pa ang mga bata walang problema”, (Babies are lucky they have no problems) to which I agreed and said, “Iiyak lang sila and may aasikaso ng problema nila” (They just have to cry and adults will come to solve their problems). That’s true. When babies cry, they have the adults to worry for them, so they can bawl their eyes out. When we’re young–we run to our parents when something’s wrong and they kiss the tears away. It’s different when you’re older, cus you have to fend for yourself. Some adults still run to their mommies for their problems, of course, but that’s not exactly true for all.
Oh to be Thirty-Six
I am thirty-six years old. Someone told me that life begins at 30 but I think the 40-year olds will argue with that. Personally speaking, MY LIFE began at 30. Six years ago, my life took a pivotal turn that changed everything. Life officially began, then, and I learned to live.
Today I am thirty-six. I don’t exactly feel old, but I don’t feel young either. I’m right smack in the middle of things–and as I’ve come to learn in the last few years, I am allowing the leaves fall as they may. I used to be a control freak. At a point I was maneuvering my life to fit to the “world” standards and it got me nowhere. As a matter of fact, the controlling only got me into the worst situations. Henceforth, I’ve learned to surrender. And then, I learned to look at myself.
The younger version of myself loved to point fingers. I was blaming so many people for my misfortune and was thoroughly convinced that I was a victim of their wrongdoing. Well, that may be true… but one day I realized that I am limited. My power to control things is very limited and no matter how intensely I point my finger at others, it won’t change my situation. I realized, eventually, that I had to look into myself–and had to establish a good connection with GOD so that I could change myself and alter the course my life takes.
My life at thirty-six is not perfect but it sure is a breeze compared to a few years ago. When people hear my story, they usually say, “Di kita sa iyo na may pinagdaanan kang ganyan” (It’s hard to tell that you’ve gone through what you have). I remember the first few years, I was so pathetic. I was weak. I was relying on my own strength, and of course, I was failing all attempts to move forward and claim victory over my struggles. I was so broken. But then, things got better.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come”
2 Corinthians 5:17
I have always been a Christian, but the last few years transformed me. I am new… the old, is no more. And in so many ways, I am grateful because at thirty-six, I feel the happiest I have been in a long time.
And in the subject of my youth? Many people are desperately clinging on to their youth because age is crippling. I know I will never get younger–but like wine, I will age, and I will age to perfection. Of course, this aging will involve wrinkles, arthritis, grey hair, incontinence, senility–but not just yet. Right now, I’m still young enough to act as if I’m twenty-six years old. Age is just a number. What is important is that you remain young at heart, enjoying bubbles, like a little girl.
Stay young and carefree (there’s no reason for you to be worried). The best way to live this life is to surrender it. Trust me.
P.S. Don’t forget to greet me today! HEHE.